I said, I am throwing out the teddy bears.
He said, Give them to someone, let me pick them up. Don't just throw them out.
I said, Okay. Okay.

He just had to make me lie.

And she goes to bed again, in a desert of sheets.

I counted four of them, one, two, three, four, tablets smaller than coins, chalk white. Sharp edges that can catch on the way down. Swallowed two at a time. The second pair sailed to the back of the throat like waterskiers zipping through a dream.

3mg each. Did not check the label. Only counted, but I can't keep numbers in my head.

FOUND, naked and drooling, sheets contorted, eyes rolled up, head emptied, the color of milk gone bad, flies

Going going going

They feed you and deceive you, and when you get old they finally leave you.

She follows the split seams of Route 61, the stench of coal and sulfur bouquet.

I'm buzzing from frame to frame, clipping, corroded film, reel to reel. You see how the image can blink out of existence. There's the TV snow, anachronism, antiqued now. I'm clipping from reel to reel.

Outside in the morning, I walked and it was still dark. Not a blush from the sun just yet, and the kudzu's budding. Two weeks ago there were only lashes of vines straining beneath the packed snow. Now there's rain and dark in the morning and the budding of weeds that net the riverbanks.

1350–1400; ME extasie < MF < ML extasis < Gk ékstasis
displacement, trance, equiv. to ek- ec- + stásis stasis

No longer concerned if this is The Right Thing.

We were picking glass from our feet for years.

Tornado siren wailing, we crouch in the basement of Park Hall. There's an electrical storm outside the window. Dr. McAlexander dances with Judith in circles and he laughs, and we're all laughing, too, waiting for the all-clear.

Three years down and roses from strangers.

Climbing telephone wires connecting planets and walking tightrope from star to star to star to star up through the atmosphere up through the galaxy into the void into the sun into the quasars across all of that distance and then

Definition: change back and forth

Synonyms: be unsteady, flicker, fluctuate, librate, lurch, palpitate, pendulate, pitch, pivot, reel, stagger, sway, swing, switch, swivel, thrash, undulate, vacillate, vary, waltz, waver

Notes: oscillate means to be undecided about something or regularly swing from side to side, while osculate means to kiss or to come together

Antonyms: remain, stay

You've been here all along.
Glad you've come around,
Glad you've come around.
Thought we had lost you there for a moment.
- Circus Maximus

Ninety-five percent
Happen in the home.

Swallowed by the bed
And caught in the phone.

Hammering the walls
And sleepwalking falls.

Overstepping out,
And haunting the halls.

Go on ahead.
- OSI

I said, "Oh. Oh." I said, "Not now." I said, "Later." And meanwhile there are months and months and months.

(24th-Jul-2008 12:16 am - Selfish.)

I said I'm taking care of myself but there are parts that atrophy. The parts connecting us, the network of fleshy strings and strands, wet tissue.

(24th-Jul-2008 12:16 am - Selfish.)

There's a pop outside like a firework. Fuselage and spark, maybe the plastic syrette in the foil package, warming in my palm.

(24th-Jul-2008 12:16 am - Selfish.)

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